We have seen too many cases of complete transformation to believe anything except that God can restore marriages and families no matter what has happened No matter how much hurt and history, no matter how much disappointment and destruction, no matter what we see or think or imagine is possible with human effort. There are no lost causes, no one beyond his reach. We must simply do our part and he will do his. There are two simple non-negotiables for our part: mutual desperation and mutual obedience.
First, both people in the marriage must want their marriage to be restored; and second, both must be willing to do whatever it takes for that to happen. Usually that means, at least, the desire to forgive and the desire to take responsibility for one’s own choices and mistakes. When we choose to forgive and choose to take responsibility for our choices, God will transform hearts, minds, and hurt.
The marriages that we have seen continue to struggle or ultimately fail, lacked one or both of these non-negotiables. Often we think that God’s job is to give us a short cut or we think a short cut is the only way things could change. We sometimes look for shortcuts and call them miracles or God’s work. In our experience, the shortcuts and miracles happen on the far side of repentance, forgiveness, and responsibility. God’s supernatural power and healing are released when the power of the cross is brought to bear on our lives. The power of the cross is released through repentance and forgiveness. There is no other way.
When the power of the cross is released, God can heal and restore any relationship–no matter what.